Vegetarian Jokes

Man visits doctor with apple
stuck in mouth,
celery stuck in each ear
and a carrot stick up each nostril.

He mumbles '
Doc, I'm just not feeling well.'

Doctor replies,
'Maybe you're not eating right.'

I'm not a vegetarian because
I love animals,
it's because I hate vegetables!
- Woody Allen

What's the difference between
boogers and broccoli ?

-Kids don't eat broccoli.

Have you heard of the garlic diet?
-You don't lose much weight,
but from a distance,
your friends think you look thinner.

A man had a parrot
that could talk.
Unfortunately, it swore a lot.

In an effort to get the parrot to be quiet,
he put him in a cupboard.
The parrot continued swearing
and after a whilethe man decided
to put the bird in the freezer.
After that, the parrot started swearing
even more. After a few minutes,
he suddenly became quiet.
The man opened up the freezer
and the parrot said,
"I'm sorry, sir, it will never happen again."
As the man took the bird out of the freezer
he wondered what the difference was
between the cupboard and the freezer.
Just then, the parrot said,
"So, uh, what'd the chicken do?"
Thank you in advance!
Every little bit helps!
The eMagazine For Women